Back in the Delta Quadrant again
by redonyellow
Summary: After seven years, Voyager finally makes it back to Earth. Janeway is forced to make difficult choices that upset and disturb the entire crew.


There it was. After seven years, Voyager had finally made it. They had finally returned home.

The giant blue ball was rotating on the view screen, and there wasn't a dry eye on the bridge.

"Mr. Paris," Janeway said emotionally, "Set a course for home."

"Yes, Captain," Paris said as he set Voyager to warp. Everyone on the bridge started applauding.

"You did it, Captain," Kim said, smiling, while looking at Earth, "You brought us…" Kim's voice trailed off as the mouth of a gigantic wormhole appeared in front of the planet. Voyager fell into its gaping hole. The ship tumbled through the wormhole's tunnel and was spat out of its other side.

"Captain!" Harry exclaimed, "I've scanned the stars. We've been this part of space before. That wormhole dropped us right back into the Delta Quadrant!"

"Shit," Janeway shouted, "See if you can pick the wormhole back up on the sensors. May be we can use it to return home again."

Harry shook his head and tears streamed down his face.

Janeway slammed her hand on a control panel, "Tom, what were you doing? Flying us into that wormhole—the fuck is wrong with you?!"

"It's not my fault," Paris shouted, "That wormhole appeared out of nowhere. I couldn't avoid it."

"From our position," Tuvok remarked, "It will take us seventy years to return to Earth."

"Now Tuvok," Janeway said, noticing the Vulcan shifting uncomfortably, "We made it back to Earth in seven years once. We can do it again."

"Excuse me, Captain," Tuvok said and then he ran off the bridge. The truth was that Voyager had made it home just when his Pon Far had started. He thought the timing was perfect, as he could just return to Vulcan and have sex with his wife. But now that he was back in the Delta Quadrant, he didn't have seven years to wait. He dashed to Vorik's quarters to ask him if he would be willing to help a Vulcan brother out.

"I want a staff meeting at 10:00 hours," Janeway commanded. "I want you all to brainstorm your best ideas of what we could do better. How could we return to home sooner this time."

#

At 10:00, the bridge staff met in the briefing room to discuss their ideas, all except Tuvok who seemed to be missing and wasn't answering any calls.

As her fist officer, Janeway called upon Chakotay to give his ideas of what they should do first.

"Perhaps the universe is trying to tell us something. Perhaps we're not meant to return to Earth. Maybe we can do more good here in the Delta Quadrant than on Earth."

There was a long silence after Chakotay said this, and everyone looked at each other awkwardly. Then Janeway said, "You know, in the seven years that you've been my first officer, I never saw what you really contributed, other than question my decisions, or downright piss me off. I think my first change will be to demote you from being first officer and…" Janeway cupped her chin and thought. There had to be something that Chackotay was useful for. Then she thought back to the time they were stuck on that planet together and he gave her those fantastic massages, "Your new position on this ship shall be: Captain's boy-toy."

Perfect. Not only had Janeway found something Chakotay was good for, it also eliminated her need to go to Farehaven to get some holographic dick.

Chakotay opened his mouth to object, but Janeway silenced him with a hand.

"You're dismissed," Janeway said, and Chakotay left the briefing room in a fury.

"That is a very prudent decision, Captain," Seven of Nine said, "However, I think Chakotay might even fail in that position. I'm sure that you will be disappointed by the size of his dick."

"Really, Seven?" Janeway asked.

Seven nodded, "Even with my enhanced Borg optical implants, I had to magnify my vision by 200% before I could even find it. He is very talented with his tongue, however. Of course, so am I. And the Borg implants on my fingers have a vibrating function, so rather than Chackotay, you might want to pay me a visit."

"I just might," Janeway said thoughtfully, "Of course that leaves the obvious question, what should we do with Chakotay?"

"in my opinion, we have too many people on this ship like Chakotay. They drain our resources and contribute absolutely nothing. We should drop these absolutely useless individuals on the nearest class M planet and let them fend for themselves. Those people who are not completely useless but that aren't very helpful either, should be given 'red shirt status' and should be placed on missions and positions of high risk and danger."

"That's a brilliant idea. Seven, begin compiling these lists immediately." Janeway said. "These ideas have been great so far. Let's keep them coming. Lieutenant Paris, do you have any suggestions?"

"Yes, captain," Paris said, "We all would have arrived in the Alpha Quadrant sooner if you had just fucked Q that one time-"

"Are you suggesting that we pimp the Captain to Q to get back to the Earth?" Torres asked indignantly.

"Yes, well let's table that idea for now," Janeway said, quickly changing the subject.

"In my opinion," Torres said, "We should modify Seven of Nine's implants so that the Borg think that she is the Borg Queen, then instead of wasting our time fighting the Borg, they would be on our side. Plus, all of the Borg ships would be on our side. We would have our own Borg armada to protect us."

Janeway slammed her hand on the table, "That is the best idea I've heard yet. B'ellana, Kim, Tuvok, I want you three to get on it- Where is Tuvok?"

The ship's computer responded: "Lieutenant Commander Tuvok is in Ensign Vorik's quarters."

"What's he doing there?"

Captain's Janeway's query was interrupted from a call from Neelix asking Torres to fix the replicators in the mess.

#

"I appreciate your assistance." Tuvok said, while pulling up his underwear.

"You're welcome," Vorik replied, "Though, I hope that what I've done won't cause you, as my commanding officer, to lose respect for me."

"Commander Tuvok," Tuvok's combadge must have said for the hundredth time that day. This time, Tuvok picked it up and answered it. It informed Tuvok that there had been a murder in the mess hall.

#

When Tuvok arrived, Neelix was lying on his stomach with a knife protruding from his back. B'ellana was covering her mouth with her hands and was crying.

"I'm sorry, "she blubbered, "I saw his face, couldn't imagine spending seven more years in the Delta Quadrant with him and just snapped."

"I don't know what you're talking about," Tuvok said, "Neelix _obviously_ tripped and fell on the knife."

"What?!" the Doctor shouted incredulously, "How could you say that when the knife is in his back?"

"That's what it looks like to me," muttered a few bystanders. "He obviously fell on it."

"There's nothing to investigate here," Tuvok said. Then he called the transporter room and ordered them to beam Neelix's body into space.

"No!" the Doctor cried, "I can still revive him."

"I appreciate your efforts, but Neelix is clearly too far gone. It's too late." Tuvok said as Neelix's body was transported away.

Seven of Nine took out her pad and took Neelix's name off her list.


End file.
